That's right! I've hopped on the wedding train and am officially engaged! Mike, my fiancé, asked me at Disneyland in the pouring rain outside of Cinderella's castle. That wasn't his original plan, but I thought it was perfect. We immediately started calling family and friends, put the engagement on Facebook (because nothing's official until you put it on Facebook) and everyone seemed genuinely excited and happy for us. Everyone that is, except my dad.
After two days of not hearing back from my dad, we finally got a hold of him and scheduled a day for the three of us to go to dinner. Dinner was like a scene out of "Meet the Parents" complete with the lie detector interrogation part. The meal started with my dad looking at us and laughing then saying "you two will go your separate ways soon", and ended with him just ignoring Mike for the rest of the meal. No "congrats" or "welcome to the family" just a big dose of "this is going to end in divorce".
Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate my dad, he's normally a fine guy and his experience with marriage has been less then stellar. But after that meal I was ready to jump on the first bus to Vegas and get married right then. I didn't for any mom's that are reading this, but I was pretty annoyed.
So what do you do when you've got a family member that doesn't support your decision to get married? Do you go "fine, if you don't support us then you're not invited?" or do you be the bigger person and try to win them over?
Every bride-to-be I've talked to has run into this problem with some family member or friend, and from what I've gathered there is no good answer. On your big day you want people around you who support and love you, and if they can't do just that then why have them there? On the other hand, if that person is your close family and has supported you up until then, you're probably going to miss not having them there.
Ultimately I think it's up to both the couple getting married and the person with the issue. The person with the issue has to decide whether they're going support you and be at the wedding, or not support you and stay at home with the cats. The couple just has to decide if they want the aforementioned person at their wedding or not. Does that mean that you can't show them that you're a great couple who loves eachother, and that you want them in your lives? No. But it doesn't mean you have to beat a dead horse.
CONGRATS!!!! Finally the wedding girl gets to be THE wedding girl! It's unfortunate that your dad doesn't support this (though it doesn't seem to matter who the groom is, it doesn't sound like he'd support any marriage to his daughter) but it's really wonderful and amazing that you can keep a level head in spite of all this and not let his opinion make you second guess the love you know is true. You're a strong person. May you have the best of luck and much joy in planning your wedding day (and lives after that)!
ReplyDeleteI say the less "drama" the better as you prepare for your big day no matter how far off it is. Your dad has a choice, to be there for you or not to be there. You and Mike have to be there for each other and rely on the rest of your friends and family that are there to share in your happiness and support you along the way. Don't try to "prove yourselves" to anyone; just keep on truck'n like you have been for the last few years. Something good or a whole lot of somethings good have brought you to this point of committment. More power to you and to your future together. There will always be others who see things differently than you two do, but follow your hearts and take care of each other and yourselves as a couple. Take care, Tress Punam
ReplyDeleteOops . . . Tress Putnam, not Punam
ReplyDeleteSO EXCITED FOR YOU BOTH! I must admit, it was a huge bummer to hear about your dad not being supportive :(. Like the above person said, keep truckin'! You both don't need to prove anything to anyone!! You love is SO genuine!!!!!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, congratulations on being engaged! Secondly, I know how you feel. The first thing my dad said when we got engaged was "you will struggle your whole lives"... awesome. AND he has now had 3 marriages in his lifetime, none of which have gone very well. So I sort of could see where he was coming from, but he also couldn't see that we were different. For one thing, he is going to have to make his own decision to support you, but aside from that, I think you shouldn't let anyone steal your joy! It's your wedding day, and your life. Be the bigger person and invite him, but make it clear that you love Mike and if he can't support that, then it's not his place to be negative at your wedding. He can save it to tell his cats.
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